filling Bugzilla quip list

Question

"Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen."

At the top of the Bugzilla page it prints a humorous/insightful quip. I have a list that I have been building up over the years as I encounter good one liners To brighten up my fellow developers days. What source did you use to fill your Bugzilla quip list. Online I have found only one interesting list. So maybe you can share some of the good quips from your bugzilla quiplist or maybe point me towards a interesting source online

"I have an infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero - Dilbert."

Answer 1

I prefer this one:

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. A work station...

Answer 2

Here's a few I found on the web:

It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.

Syntactic sugar causes cancer of the semicolon.

Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.

Every program has (at least) two purposes: The one for which it was written and another for which it wasn't.

Fools ignore complexity. Pragmatists suffer it. Some can avoid it. Geniuses remove it.

If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.

If your computer speaks English, it was probably made in Japan.

It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.

The best book on programming for the layman is "Alice in Wonderland"; but that's because it's the best book on anything for the layman.

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.

If at first you don't succeed, chainsaw juggling is not for you.

That's all for now,

Schmuli.

Answer 3

• A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
• Opening and closing windows with the mouse is OK, doing the same with the doors is not.
• Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. ~Author Unknown
• Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
• One fixed, 78657463 to go.
• Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
• To iterate is human, to recurse divine.
• Error: too many errors
• At the age of 24 he knew 9 operating systems... and not even a single woman!
• Real programmers don't need documentation, they use debuggers instead...
• Linus Torvalds: "Software is like sex: It's better when it's free."
• Press any key to continue - or any other key to abort.
• A programmer is a machine that turns coffee into source code. (Gabe DePace)
• Testing? What's that? If it compiles, it is good, if it boots up, it is perfect. ~ Linus Torvalds
• Software and cathedrals are much the same - first we build them, then we pray.
• Warning: Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear.
• Confidence is the feeling you have before you really understand the problem.
• When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
• A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
• If the odds are a million to one against something occurring, chances are 50-50 it will.
• You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
• Why do you want to do it that way?
• Somebody must have changed my code!
• I haven't touched that module in weeks!
• There is something funky in your data.
• It worked yesterday.
• It's never done that before.
• Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
• Sometimes it pays to stay in bed in Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday's code.
• When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code.
• People get annoyed when you try to debug them.
• Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
• If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution.
• A good advice from Bugs Bunny: Jump to the next bug and be happy.

Answer 4

Here are a few ones you might like:

I know what you're thinking punk, you're thinking did I spell check this bug report? Well, to tell you the truth I kinda forgot myself in all this excitement. But being this here's , you've got to ask yourself one question, Do you feel lucky? Well do ya punk?

Is the problem 18 inches from the monitor?

Of course we know exactly what you mean.

Yes, we do read minds.

We will fix it in some future version. Really.

Don't worry if it's hard. If you're not a friggin tard you will prevail.

Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. But it could be arranged.

Answer 5

You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. --IBM maintenance manual, 1925

Answer 6

All bugs are different, exept mine

Answer 7

• The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague. (Edsger Dijkstra)
• If you want more effective programmers, you will discover that they should not waste their time debugging, they should not introduce the bugs to start with. (Edsger Dijkstra)
• Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability. (Edsger Dijkstra)
• Test [software] until fear turns to boredom. (Unknown)
• The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity. (Douglas Horton)
• Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live. (Rick Osborne)