If the message is one of the standard window's messages - usually with a message id between 0 and WM_USER, then the systems window message dispatching logic contains code to marshal the struct to the any processes the message is dispatched to.
Messages above WM_USER get no such treatment - and this includes all the common control messages introduced with Windows 95 - you cannot end any of the LVM_* (list view messages) or other new control messages to a control in a different process and get a result back.
WM_COPYDATA was specifically introduced as a general purpose mechanism for user code to marshal arbitrary data between processes - outside of WM_COPYDATA (or reusing other windows standard messages) there is no way to get windows to automatically marshal structured data using the message queue mechanism into another process.
If it is your own code doing the sending AND receiving of messages, you could use a dll to define a shared memory section, instead of sending pointers (the dll might be based differently in each process) sends offsets to the shared memory block.
If you want to exchange structured data with external applications that do not marshal their data (for example to extract data from a list or tree view) then you need to perform dll injection so you can send and process the message from "in-process".
SendNofityMessage is different to PostMessage because PostMessage always puts the message in the message queue, whereas SendNotifyMessage acts like SendMessage for windows in the same process. Then, even if the target window is in another process, the message is dispatched DIRECTLY to the window proc not placed in the posted message queue for retreivel via GetMessage or PeekMessage.
Lastly it is possible to cause a deadlock - however while in a "blocking" sendmessage waiting for another thread to reply, SendMessage will dispatch messages sent (not posted) from other threads - to prevent deadlocks. This mitigates most potential deadlocks, but its still possible to create deadlocks by calling other blocking apis, or going into modal message processing loops.