How best can you maintain a healthy balance between
Following the never ending programming passion and feeding your never full hungry mind
AND
Spending enough quality time with your family
views:
1050answers:
14ooh! -1! a bit harsh! I get my kids involved in coming up with ideas, making graphics and sounds, and they have an appreciation of what computers can and cannot easily do. Plus they think daddy is amazing!
Paul Dixon
2009-01-06 13:58:10
Harsh indeed. +1 from me. Works a treat here too
David Sykes
2009-01-06 14:17:39
+1 for me, my first Android application is for my kid.
jcollum
2009-01-06 22:57:00
+1 for me, my first banking app will teach my kid not to rely on banks ;)
Nick
2009-06-23 18:16:07
+34
A:
Here is the best trick:
family first, coding second
This is the best way to maximize love, peace, and happiness in your life.
Andrew Hare
2009-01-06 13:54:25
Why the downvote, it is reality. Coding is fun, but your family is your homebase.
Gamecat
2009-01-06 14:01:32
@Gamecat - I think the downvote might have been because it really isn't any suggestion on striking a balance, its more of a blanket "Your family is number one" statement.
Rob
2009-01-06 14:33:19
Rob - with the proper attitude a natural balance will be struck. As much as we all love to code it ought never to eclipse more important things. Focusing on your family you will find that your time spent coding will be more enriching as it will be part of a complete and meaningful life.
Andrew Hare
2009-01-06 14:43:07
It still lacks practical suggestions on how such a balance might be obtained, in my opinion. The single statement isn't likely to be very helpful in itself.
Click Upvote
2009-01-06 14:52:06
Java PHP - I did like your suggestion for using a laptop, I do that myself, but all of your other suggestions seem to be ways to get your wife to be busy so you can code in peace and not feel guilty.
Andrew Hare
2009-01-06 14:59:14
Lol, really? Other than #4 all of them revolve around spending more time with your family (setting specific times to be with them, getting mutual friends, taking vocations together, etc). I suggest you read my answer again :)
Click Upvote
2009-01-06 15:06:07
Java PHP - I guess you are right!! I apologize, my comment came off a bit harsh, I will proofread my comments a bit more before I post. :)
Andrew Hare
2009-01-06 15:13:03
+18
A:
- Get a laptop. Sit near wife while coding.
- Set times. for development and times for when you'll be with your spouse.
- Regular vacations. Each weekend take your wife to the beach or for shopping, its good to get away from programming and take breaks once in a while.
- Get your wife a hobby. Tell her to go shopping, spend time with her friends, etc so she isn't relying on you all the time.
- Get mutual friends with whom you and your wife could socialize with. Can work great with other programmer friends, you can talk about code while the wives talk about women-stuff :)
Click Upvote
2009-01-06 13:54:26
1. I disagree - women talk more than men and impedes creative thought. I have tried having my laptop out near my wife and she talks to me and sometimes I'm so deep in thought I don't hear her and don't answer. This doesn't help either of us.Points 2-5 I agree with.
Mark Allison
2009-01-06 14:05:10
I didn't say 'talk' to your wife while sitting with her, you can sit with her while she watches TV as well. Regarding sexism, i don't agree. Guys talk about 'man-stuff' as well :)
Click Upvote
2009-01-06 14:08:48
In response to #4, isn't the point of having a spouse to be able to rely on them? Getting your wife to spend less time with you will not help your family situation.
brad
2009-01-06 14:10:55
-1 for laptop, that just gives you an illusion of spending time together (tested). +2 for the other suggestions. Also, not very sexist, s/wife/husband works.
Piskvor
2009-01-06 14:11:04
Sam, good catch. All of the suggestions can be applied to kids as well ;)
Click Upvote
2009-01-06 14:50:46
"Tell her to go shopping"? Sexist. I think the issue isn't that the wife is bored, it's that she'd like to spend time with her husband. Telling her to go shopping is a step on the road to divorce.
jcollum
2009-01-06 23:00:45
Stop wrapping your identity up in "never full hungry mind." These people (family) are worth more than your intellect. You can live with not knowing everything. The committment to them is greater than your committment to you. And, yes, it is hard not to be selfish. It is a constant work on self.
johnny
2009-01-06 23:53:26
A laptop can be a really good idea, it's just not a catch-all solution. My wife appreciates it when we can be in the same room (especially sitting on the same couch) while I'm working on something. It doesn't remove the need for quality time, it just makes the project time better.
Steve S
2009-01-07 16:03:49
@jcollum: Ha! You haven't been around shopping malls, have you? Sexism sells and marketing in shopping malls are geared towards women and mothers. I do agree that encouraging your wife/girlfriend to get a hobby is a better alternative than go shopping (shopping is a darn expensive hobby).
Spoike
2009-01-22 07:57:37
This is just sad. You've never met a woman who likes to talk about code?
Sarah Mei
2009-04-09 22:38:27
The environment in which you can spawn child processes. (Not too much else it will have serious impact on your performance).
Gamecat
2009-01-06 14:02:30
+6
A:
Go to bed with girlfriend, and when she falls asleep it's hacktime!
dsvensson
2009-01-06 13:59:01
and when she wakes up and finds you at the computer, it's time to find a new girlfriend - because she'll have left!
Steven A. Lowe
2009-01-06 15:06:33
+1
A:
Easy, my wife is a developer too ;-). And the kids already have high geek scores.
But, on a more serious level. I only program at home if the kids are in bed. Daytime is family time.
Gamecat
2009-01-06 14:00:11
+2
A:
Have the discipline to step away from the keyboard. Anything taken to excess is bad for you. If you think you are spending too much time coding, then you are.
If need be set up a schedule and only allow yourself to sit down to the keyboard at certain times of the day.
I also suggesting getting out of the house / office. You don't have to go on an expensive vacation, visit a local park or get a season pass to the zoo. Something you, your significant other, and children can all enjoy.
Jim C
2009-01-06 14:07:25
+7
A:
+1 for family first, coding second.
Giving cash and buying gifts sounds simple enough, but the only currency with any value in my family is time.
The only way I have found that works for me is to be specific about how much personal developing time I would like, and when. And to get up a bit earlier in the morning.
David Sykes
2009-01-06 14:15:19
Agreed, kids spell love "T-I-M-E". I'm encouraging my kid to have hobbies that will help him with careers down the road. Playing with Legos is a huge boast to anyone who wants to be a developer, architect (buildings) etc.
jcollum
2009-01-06 23:02:47
+2
A:
I would recommend the book: The Seven Habits of Higly Effective People (covey). There are some very interesting chapters in this book about the work / family balance.
birger
2009-01-06 14:25:37
+2
A:
There are things more important that you. That is the first lesson. All the things you treasure so much, including your mind, can be taken away in an instant. Count your days and realize you are not immortal. Will your programs comfort you in time of distress or will your wife and children?
Your family doesn't need "quality time." They need you.
You have to feed them and take care of them and I understand that can take you away. I'm not talking about necessary work to keep the lights on. But, "feeding your never full hungry mind" is not the priority and it can be fed in other ways. There is a reason you are asking this question. You know you are spending too much time on you and that you are probably being selfish. Well, we all are, so you can use your intellect to wrestle with how to handle it. I personally read the Bible, and it helps me see what life is really about, and yes, work is part of what life is about. Work is not "bad" or a "necessary evil." Work is a good, fufilling thing that we have been given. Be thankful you have a job that you love. Many do not. But, while your job is fufilling, don't try and make it what it was not meant to be - ultimate fulfillment. Not even your family can give you that; Certainly, though, taking care of their needs, as opposed to your own selfish desires, is more important.
Yes I know I was hard. It was not meant to be too much so. It's just the truth.
Even your question, "spending enough" on your family is an indication you need answers (which is why you asked and it is appreciated you want help with it). Could you imagine the reverse, "Hey, I'm spending too much time with my family, how do I spend enough time programming to get good at it?"
johnny
2009-01-06 14:34:29
Of course, another question could be "The chores are done, the kids are in bed, I don't care for what is on TV. Why can't I sit and write some code for a bit while my spouse watches the program?"
Rob
2009-01-06 14:54:31
I understanding maintaining skills, constantly challenging yourself,and enjoying it, but there is a time to look at providence and say, "What or whom am I doing this for?"
johnny
2009-01-06 16:52:36
+2
A:
Really long programming sessions are rarely that productive in the long term - if you can identify the patterns of when you naturally work most effectively you will probably find there are ways to use the spaces in between when you can do other things and still get as much work done with your programming as you ever did.
If you don't have time because of the projects you have to complete then learn to agree to do less and to refuse projects you don't have time for.
Dedicate some of that hungry mind time to the family, what you can learn from them and what you can teach them.
glenatron
2009-01-06 14:52:23
What do you mean by "Really long" sessions? There are things that require a couple of consecutive hours to accomplish effectively. On the other hand, I think 8 hours would usually be excessive for hobby programming.
Steve S
2009-01-06 23:32:14
That's what I'm thinking too- in 3 hours you can get something done in 6 hours you're unlikely to get twice as much done as you did in 3 hours and so on. Shorter, more concentrated, bursts allow free time and get things done, is my thinking.
glenatron
2009-01-08 11:53:00
+1
A:
Quite a few people are addressing this from the angle of "The family is number one." angle so I'm going to address this a bit differently. However, it is worth noting that if your family needs you there for them, then you need to be there for them. That said though, there is nothing wrong with having some personal time of your own in which you can peruse programming as a hobby as a way to relax and decompress.
One of the things you need to look at, though, is why you are programming at home. If you are programming at home on a fairly regular basis and it is all work related code then the better question might be to ask yourself why you are talking so much work home. It might be that your job is putting unrealistic demands on you in which case that might be an issue you need to address with your boss at the office.
If you are coding purely as a hobby and to relax, then it pretty much needs to be treated as any other hobby out there in that you need to balance it to ensure that you are getting what you need out of it (e.g. relaxing after a stressful week). Most people have hobbies and as long as it is in the minority of what you do at home, you should be fine.
Rob
2009-01-06 14:52:27
+8
A:
If you are happy you program better in less time and remember the word of Daniel Bunten
No one on their death bed ever said, I wish I'd spent more time alone with my computer
Rulas
2009-01-06 22:53:37