Zero deadlocks is basically an incredibly costly problem in the general case because you must know all the tables/obj that you're going to read and modify for every running transaction (this includes SELECTs). The general philosophy is called ordered strict two-phase locking (not to be confused with two-phase commit) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_phase_locking ; even 2PL does not guarantee no deadlocks)
Very few DBMS actually implement strict 2PL because of the massive performance hit such a thing causes (there are no free lunches) while all your transactions wait around for even simple SELECT statements to be executed.
Anyway, if this is something you're really interested in, take a look at SET ISOLATION LEVEL
in SQL Server. You can tweak that as necessary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Isolation_level
For more info, see wikipedia on Serializability: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serializability
That said -- a great analogy is like source code revisions: check in early and often. Keep your transactions small (in # of SQL statements, # of rows modified) and quick (wall clock time helps avoid collisions with others). It may be nice and tidy to do a LOT of things in a single transaction -- and in general I agree with that philosophy -- but if you're experiencing a lot of deadlocks, you may break the trans up into smaller ones and then check their status in the application as you move along. TRAN 1 - OK Y/N? If Y, send TRAN 2 - OK Y/N? etc. etc
As an aside, in my many years of being a DBA and also a developer (of multiuser DB apps measuring thousands of concurrent users) I have never found deadlocks to be such a massive problem that I needed special cognizance of it (or to change isolation levels willy-nilly, etc).