There is an "Always re-create database" in the project's .sqldeployment file. Unchecking this option will result in an auto-generated SQL script that will incrementally update your database without dropping it first.
There is also an option to "Generate DROP statements for objects that are in the target databse but that are not in the database project." You will need to check this option, if you want tables, stored procs, etc. to get dropped if you've deleted them in the database project. This will delete any table, etc. that users may have created on their own for testing, debugging, etc.
To change the options in the .sqldeployment file. Open the file in Visual Studio. Either expand the database project in the solution explorer, the double click on the .sqldeployment file (it will probably be in the Properties folder under the DB project). Or open the properties page for the database project and click the "Edit..." button next to the "Deployment configuration file". Check or uncheck the options you want when the database deploys.
I use VSDBCMD.exe for 1-click build & deploy scripts I've created. It works very well. VSDBCMD uses a .sqldeployment file -- the default .sqldeployment file is specified in the .deploymanifest file, but it can be overridden by specifying it as a parameter when executing VSDBCMD. Also, I believe that Visual Studio uses VSDBCMD under the covers when
it deploys the database project, but I just assume that to be the case since the functionality is pretty much identical.