To remove the datagrid validation summary (question #2), extract the style using blend or reflector, stick it in a Style resource dict, and remove the validation summary control.
Then reference the style in the datagrid declaration (Style={StaticResource DataGridOverrideStyle}). Here's the xaml for silverlight 4 if you don't have reflector or blend:
<Style TargetType="local:DataGrid" x:Key="DataGridOverrideStyle">
<Setter Property="RowBackground" Value="#AAEAEFF4" />
<Setter Property="AlternatingRowBackground" Value="#00FFFFFF" />
<Setter Property="Background" Value="#FFFFFFFF" />
<Setter Property="HeadersVisibility" Value="Column" />
<Setter Property="HorizontalScrollBarVisibility" Value="Auto" />
<Setter Property="VerticalScrollBarVisibility" Value="Auto" />
<Setter Property="SelectionMode" Value="Extended" />
<Setter Property="CanUserReorderColumns" Value="True" />
<Setter Property="CanUserResizeColumns" Value="True" />
<Setter Property="CanUserSortColumns" Value="True" />
<Setter Property="AutoGenerateColumns" Value="True" />
<Setter Property="RowDetailsVisibilityMode" Value="VisibleWhenSelected" />
<Setter Property="BorderBrush">
<Setter.Value>
<LinearGradientBrush EndPoint="0.5,1" StartPoint="0.5,0">
<GradientStop Color="#FFA3AEB9" Offset="0"/>
<GradientStop Color="#FF8399A9" Offset="0.375"/>
<GradientStop Color="#FF718597" Offset="0.375"/>
<GradientStop Color="#FF617584" Offset="1"/>
</LinearGradientBrush>
</Setter.Value>
</Setter>
<Setter Property="BorderThickness" Value="1" />
<Setter Property="DragIndicatorStyle">
<Setter.Value>
<!-- TODO: Change the TargetType to Control when the fix Jolt bugs 18719 is verified -->
<Style TargetType="ContentControl">
<Setter Property="Foreground" Value="#7FFFFFFF" />
<Setter Property="Template">
<Setter.Value>
<!-- TODO: Change the TargetType to Control when the fix Jolt bugs 18719 is verified -->
<ControlTemplate TargetType="ContentControl">
<Grid>
<VisualStateManager.VisualStateGroups>
<VisualStateGroup x:Name="SortStates">
<VisualState x:Name="Unsorted" />
<VisualState x:Name="SortAscending">
<Storyboard>
<DoubleAnimation Storyboard.TargetName="SortIcon" Storyboard.TargetProperty="Opacity" Duration="0" To="1.0"/>
</Storyboard>
</VisualState>
<VisualState x:Name="SortDescending">
<Storyboard>
<DoubleAnimation Storyboard.TargetName="SortIcon" Storyboard.TargetProperty="Opacity" Duration="0" To="1.0"/>
<DoubleAnimation Storyboard.TargetName="SortIcon" Storyboard.TargetProperty="(RenderTransform).ScaleY" Duration="0" To="-.9"/>
</Storyboard>
</VisualState>
</VisualStateGroup>
</VisualStateManager.VisualStateGroups>
<Rectangle x:Name="BackgroundRectangle" Stretch="Fill" Fill="#66808080" Grid.ColumnSpan="2" />
<Rectangle x:Name="BackgroundGradient" Stretch="Fill" Grid.ColumnSpan="2" Opacity="0" >
<Rectangle.Fill>
<LinearGradientBrush StartPoint=".7,0" EndPoint=".7,1">
<GradientStop Color="#FFFFFFFF" Offset="0.015" />
<GradientStop Color="#F9FFFFFF" Offset="0.375" />
<GradientStop Color="#E5FFFFFF" Offset="0.6" />
<GradientStop Color="#C6FFFFFF" Offset="1" />
</LinearGradientBrush>
</Rectangle.Fill>
</Rectangle>
<Grid HorizontalAlignment="{TemplateBinding HorizontalContentAlignment}" VerticalAlignment="{TemplateBinding VerticalContentAlignment}" Margin="{TemplateBinding Padding}">
<Grid.ColumnDefinitions>
<ColumnDefinition/>
<ColumnDefinition Width="Auto" />
</Grid.ColumnDefinitions>
<ContentPresenter Content="{TemplateBinding Content}"/>
<Path Grid.Column="1" Name="SortIcon" Fill="#7FFFFFFF" RenderTransformOrigin=".5,.5" HorizontalAlignment="Left" VerticalAlignment="Center" Opacity="0" Stretch="Uniform" Width="8" Margin="4,0,0,0" Data="F1 M -5.215,6.099L 5.215,6.099L 0,0L -5.215,6.099 Z ">
<Path.RenderTransform>
<ScaleTransform ScaleX=".9" ScaleY=".9" />
</Path.RenderTransform>
</Path>
</Grid>
</Grid>
</ControlTemplate>
</Setter.Value>
</Setter>
</Style>
</Setter.Value>
</Setter>
<Setter Property="DropLocationIndicatorStyle">
<Setter.Value>
<Style TargetType="ContentControl">
<Setter Property="Background" Value="#FF3F4346"/>
<Setter Property="Width" Value="2"/>
<Setter Property="Template">
<Setter.Value>
<ControlTemplate TargetType="ContentControl">
<Rectangle Fill="{TemplateBinding Background}" Width="{TemplateBinding Width}" Height="{TemplateBinding Height}"/>
</ControlTemplate>
</Setter.Value>
</Setter>
</Style>
</Setter.Value>
</Setter>
<Setter Property="GridLinesVisibility" Value="Vertical" />
<Setter Property="HorizontalGridLinesBrush" Value="#FFC9CACA" />
<Setter Property="IsTabStop" Value="True" />
<Setter Property="VerticalGridLinesBrush" Value="#FFC9CACA" />
<Setter Property="Template">
<Setter.Value>
<ControlTemplate TargetType="local:DataGrid">
<Grid>
<VisualStateManager.VisualStateGroups>
<VisualStateGroup x:Name="CommonStates">
<VisualState x:Name="Normal"/>
<VisualState x:Name="Disabled">
<Storyboard>
<DoubleAnimation Storyboard.TargetName="DisabledVisualElement" Storyboard.TargetProperty="Opacity" Duration="0" To="1"/>
</Storyboard>
</VisualState>
</VisualStateGroup>
</VisualStateManager.VisualStateGroups>
<Border BorderThickness="{TemplateBinding BorderThickness}" BorderBrush="{TemplateBinding BorderBrush}" CornerRadius="2">
<Grid Name="Root" Background="{TemplateBinding Background}">
<Grid.Resources>
<!--Start: TopLeftHeaderTemplate-->
<ControlTemplate x:Key="TopLeftHeaderTemplate" TargetType="localprimitives:DataGridColumnHeader">
<Grid Name="Root">
<Grid.RowDefinitions>
<RowDefinition/>
<RowDefinition/>
<RowDefinition Height="Auto" />
</Grid.RowDefinitions>
<Border BorderThickness="0,0,1,0" BorderBrush="#FFC9CACA" Background="#FF1F3B53" Grid.RowSpan="2">
<Rectangle Stretch="Fill" StrokeThickness="1">
<Rectangle.Fill>
<LinearGradientBrush StartPoint=".7,0" EndPoint=".7,1">
<GradientStop Color="#FCFFFFFF" Offset="0.015" />
<GradientStop Color="#F7FFFFFF" Offset="0.375" />
<GradientStop Color="#E5FFFFFF" Offset="0.6" />
<GradientStop Color="#D1FFFFFF" Offset="1" />
</LinearGradientBrush>
</Rectangle.Fill>
</Rectangle>
</Border>
<Rectangle VerticalAlignment="Bottom" Width="Auto" StrokeThickness="1" Height="1" Fill="#FFDBDCDC" Grid.RowSpan="2"/>
</Grid>
</ControlTemplate>
<!--End: TopLeftHeaderTemplate-->
<!--Start: TopRightHeaderTemplate-->
<ControlTemplate x:Key="TopRightHeaderTemplate" TargetType="localprimitives:DataGridColumnHeader">
<Grid Name="RootElement">
<Grid.RowDefinitions>
<RowDefinition/>
<RowDefinition/>
<RowDefinition Height="Auto" />
</Grid.RowDefinitions>
<Border BorderThickness="1,0,0,0" BorderBrush="#FFC9CACA" Background="#FF1F3B53" Grid.RowSpan="2">
<Rectangle Stretch="Fill">
<Rectangle.Fill>
<LinearGradientBrush StartPoint=".7,0" EndPoint=".7,1">
<GradientStop Color="#FCFFFFFF" Offset="0.015" />
<GradientStop Color="#F7FFFFFF" Offset="0.375" />
<GradientStop Color="#E5FFFFFF" Offset="0.6" />
<GradientStop Color="#D1FFFFFF" Offset="1" />
</LinearGradientBrush>
</Rectangle.Fill>
</Rectangle>
</Border>
</Grid>
</ControlTemplate>
<!--End: TopRightHeaderTemplate-->
</Grid.Resources>
<Grid.RowDefinitions>
<RowDefinition Height="Auto" />
<RowDefinition/>
<RowDefinition Height="Auto" />
<RowDefinition Height="Auto" />
</Grid.RowDefinitions>
<Grid.ColumnDefinitions>
<ColumnDefinition Width="Auto" />
<ColumnDefinition/>
<ColumnDefinition Width="Auto" />
</Grid.ColumnDefinitions>
<localprimitives:DataGridColumnHeader Name="TopLeftCornerHeader" Template="{StaticResource TopLeftHeaderTemplate}" Width="22" />
<localprimitives:DataGridColumnHeadersPresenter Name="ColumnHeadersPresenter" Grid.Column="1"/>
<localprimitives:DataGridColumnHeader Name="TopRightCornerHeader" Grid.Column="2" Template="{StaticResource TopRightHeaderTemplate}" />
<Rectangle Name="ColumnHeadersAndRowsSeparator" Grid.ColumnSpan="3" VerticalAlignment="Bottom" Width="Auto" StrokeThickness="1" Height="1" Fill="#FFC9CACA"/>
<localprimitives:DataGridRowsPresenter Name="RowsPresenter" Grid.ColumnSpan="2" Grid.Row="1" />
<Rectangle Name="BottomRightCorner" Fill="#FFE9EEF4" Grid.Column="2" Grid.Row="2" />
<Rectangle Name="BottomLeftCorner" Fill="#FFE9EEF4" Grid.Row="2" Grid.ColumnSpan="2" />
<ScrollBar Name="VerticalScrollbar" Orientation="Vertical" Grid.Column="2" Grid.Row="1" Width="18" Margin="0,-1,-1,-1"/>
<Grid Grid.Column="1" Grid.Row="2">
<Grid.ColumnDefinitions>
<ColumnDefinition Width="Auto" />
<ColumnDefinition/>
</Grid.ColumnDefinitions>
<Rectangle Name="FrozenColumnScrollBarSpacer" />
<ScrollBar Name="HorizontalScrollbar" Grid.Column="1" Orientation="Horizontal" Height="18" Margin="-1,0,-1,-1"/>
</Grid>
<!--<dataInput:ValidationSummary Name="ValidationSummary" Grid.Row="3" Grid.ColumnSpan="3" MaxHeight="0" />-->
</Grid>
</Border>
<Border x:Name="DisabledVisualElement" IsHitTestVisible="False" Height="Auto" HorizontalAlignment="Stretch" VerticalAlignment="Stretch" Width="Auto" CornerRadius="2" Background="#8CFFFFFF" Opacity="0"/>
</Grid>
</ControlTemplate>
</Setter.Value>
</Setter>
</Style>