Eric has it right: to do this well, you need what amounts to a compiler front end. What he didn't emphasize enough is the need for strong flow analysis capabilities (or a willingness to accept very conservative answers possibly alleviated by user annotations). Maybe he meant that in the phrase "semantic analysis" although his example of "goto definition" just needs a symbol table, not flow analysis.
A plain C# parser could only be used to get very conservative answers (e.g., if method A in class C contains identifier X, assume it reads class member X; if A contains no calls then you know it can't read member X).
The first step beyond this is having a compiler's symbol table and type information (if method A refers to class member X directly, then assume it reads member X; if A contains *no calls and mentions identifier X only in the context of accesses to objects which are not of this class type then you know it can't read member X). You have to worry about qualified references, too; Q.X may read member X if Q is compatible with C.
The sticky point are calls, which can hide arbitrary actions. An analysis based on just parsing and symbol tables could determine that if there are calls, the arguments refer only to constants or to objects which are not of the class which A might represent (possibly inherited).
If you find an argument that has an C-compatible class type, now you have to determine whether that argument can be bound to this, requiring control and data flow analysis:
method A( ) { Object q=this;
...
...q=that;...
...
foo(q);
}
foo might hide an access to X. So you need two things: flow analysis to determine whether the initial assignment to q can reach the call foo (it might not; q=that may dominate all calls to foo), and call graph analysis to determine what methods foo might actually invoke, so that you can analyze those for accesses to member X.
You can decide how far you want to go with this simply making the conservative assumption "A reads X" anytime you don't have enough information to prove otherwise. This will you give you a "safe" answer (if not "correct" or what I'd prefer to call "precise").
Of frameworks that might be helpful, you might consider Mono, which surely parses and builds symbol tables. I don't know what support it provides for flow analysis or call graph extraction; I would not expect the Mono-to-IL front-end compiler to do a lot of that, as people usually hide that machinery in the JIT part of JIT-based systems. A downside is that Mono may be behind the "modern C#" curve; last time I heard, it handled only C# 2.0 but my information may be stale.
An alternative is our DMS Software Reengineering Toolkit and its C# Front End.
(Not an open source product).
DMS provides general source code parsing, tree building/inspection/analysis, general symbol table support and built-in machinery for implementing control-flow analysis, data flow analysis, points-to analysis (needed for "What does object O point to?"), and call graph construction. This machinery has all been tested by fire with DMS's Java and C front ends, and the symbol table support has been used to implement full C++ name and type resolution, so its pretty effective. (You don't want to underestimate the work it takes to build all that machinery; we've been working on DMS since 1995).
The C# Front End provides for full C# 4.0 parsing and full tree building. It presently does not build symbol tables for C# (we're working on this) and that's a shortcoming compared to Mono. With such a symbol table, however, you would have access to all that flow analysis machinery (which has been tested with DMS's Java and C front ends) and that might be a big step up from Mono if it doesn't provide that.
If you want to do this well, you have a considerable amount of work in front of you. If you want to stick with "simple", you'll have to do with just parsing the tree and being OK with being very conservative.
You didn't say much about knowing if a method wrote to a member. If you are going to minimize traffic the way you describe, you want to distinguish "read", "write" and "update" cases and optimize messages in both directions. The analysis is obviously pretty similar for the various cases.
Finally, you might consider processing MSIL directly to get the information you need; you'll still have the flow analysis and conservative analysis issues. You might find the following technical paper interesting; it describes a fully-distributed Java object system that has to do the same basic analysis you want to do,
and does so, IIRC, by analyzing class files and doing massive byte code rewriting.
Java Orchestra System