From the Adobe Flex language reference:
Note that with a URLLoader object, it is not possible to access the data until it has been received completely.
So the answer to question 1 is that no, you cannot access data that has been only partially downloaded.
As for 2, URLLoader does not perform any form of parsing on the loaded data, you get access to raw bytes through the data attribute of the loader instance. If you know its XML, you can turn it into an XML structure with an explicit new XML(loader.data)
call.
In summary, if you want partial downloads, you'll have to write your own server side solution to split up the file into smaller chunks, and download these chunks individually, as Andrew suggested.