If you are having a childish fight with someone who seriously believes he is the god of programming, are there any fair tests to settle such disputes? (Hopefully, these tests do not involve some kind of physical combat)
Specifically, I'm looking for a series of benchmarks in different areas of programming ability. For example programming speed or optimization skill could be separate subtests. (This is similar to working memory and perceptual reasoning components in IQ tests)
If anyone claims to be the God of Programming, laugh at them and make a mental note to never hire them if you have any choice in the matter. That kind of designation is one that is earned, not self-applied.
You'll never win that battle. All you will do is breed resentment. You said it yourself; the whole thing is childish.
It will never work out; tackling this head on will result in a stalemate.
The best way is to instead fight a proxy war. For example, which is the better text editor ;)