Hmm, define "clutter" - to my mind a hidden directory per folder isn't clutter, frankly it hasn't been an issue at all (for reference, 7 years of first CVS then Subversion and prior to that VSS and something distributed the name of which eludes me).
Subversion is excellent and installation is almost trivial with VisualSVN server and use is straightforward with Tortoise as a client. Locking of files is an option, not a good one in the general instance but its there for binary files if you need it. This is probably the closest match to your criteria and I like it. A lot.
For personal use I'm playing with Mercurial - but not done enough to say more than that it works (and of course like most DVCS it fails your "lock" criteria). DVCS is different and has some issues.
If you have money, Vault (http://www.sourcegear.com) is worth a look - especially if you used and liked VSS since it started out as a "better" VSS though it has evolved somewhat. Worth visiting sourcegear just to read Erik Sink's thoughts on version control.
As for the rest, whilst I'm sympathetic to a wish not to (have to) merge stuff, writing off tagging and branching is pretty much the same as saying "I don't need version control" - it turns out not to be the case.