You can communicate back and forth using sockets. Here's a tutorial of how to do something similar..
Unfortunately, I don't think this is going to help you minimize CPU usage, RAM, etc... If anything it might increase the CPU usage, RAM usage etc, because you need to run two JVM's instead of one. Unless you have some incredibly complicated preferences window, it is not likely taking that many resources that you need to worry about it. By adding the network communication, you are just adding more complexity without adding any benefit.
Edit:
If you have read the book Filthy Rich Clients, one of the main points of the book is that Rich Effects do not need to be resource intensive. Most of the book is devoted to showing how to add cool effects to an app with out taking a lot of resources. Throughout the book they are very careful to time everything to show what takes a long time and what doesn't. This is crucial when making your app less resource hungry. Write your app, see what feels slow, add timing code to those particular items that are slow, and speed up those particular parts of the code. Check with your timing code to see if it is actually faster. Rinse and repeat. Otherwise you are doing optimization that may not make any difference. Without timing your code you don't know if code needs to be sped up even if you've sped up the code after doing your optimizing.
Others have mentioned loading the properties window in a separate thread. It's important to remember that Swing has only one thread called the EDT that does all of the painting of pixels to the screen. Any code that causes pixels on the screen to change should be called from the EDT and thus should not be called from a separate thread. So, if you have something that may take a while to run (perhaps a web service call or some expensive computation), you would launch a separate thread off of the EDT, and when it finishes run code on the EDT to do the UI update. There are libraries such as SwingWorker to make this easier. If you are setting a dialog to be visible, this should not be on a separate thread, but it may make sense to build the data structures in a separate thread if it is time consuming to build these data structures.
Using Swing Worker is one of many valuable ideas in Filthy Rich Clients for making UI's feel more responsive. Using the ideas in this book I have taken some fairly resource intensive UI's and made them so the UI was hardly using any resources at all.