In a nutshell my split tests aren't tracking conversions at all.
My A/B pages are on http://www.mydomain.com, and my conversion page is the last stage of my shopping cart on https://secure.mydomain.com.
I thought the most concise way of explaining this would be to post my page source code:
To summarize, the pages are being displayed correctly in my test report, but no conversions are being tracked.