I'm afraid that the question is slightly too vague, what you might primarily need to get is not programs / tools but a deeper understanding of SQL Server, how it operates and what to expect / do in different situation.
Your indication is the server is being overloaded, but do you mean this at:
- a query level, and need to pull the most expensive queries from the querycache? (there are dozens of answers on how to do that.)
- The query plan cache is being flooded due to a lack of parameterization? (see simple vs forced parameterization for dynamic sql)
- The I/O subsystem is insufficient for the task requested. (perfmon is your friend)
There are dozens of things that can be affecting your performance, so this is really just not going to be answered without more specific information - or going on an advanced course about how SQL works etc.