We don't have a good answer for this kind of application right now. Just recently I worked on a fork of spork that allows you to keep a process running and re-run specs or features in it, provided you're using an app framework that supports code reloading (like Rails). Take a look at the jrubyhub application for an example of how I use Spork.
You might be able to spawn a spork instance for your application and then send multiple, threaded requests to it to run different specs. But then you're relying on RSpec internals to be thread-safe, and unfortunately I'm pretty sure they're not.
Maybe you could take my code as a starting point and build a cluster of spork instances, and then have a client that can distribute your test suite across them. It's not going to save memory and will still take a long time to start up, but if you start them all once and just re-use them for repeated runs, you might make some gains in efficiency.
Feel free to stop by [email protected] or #jruby on freenode for more ideas.