In the first version of your code you are loading the same row of the table players but while you are expecting rails to be smart enough to recognize that it has already load this row in memory, rails doesn't work that way. So when you are issuing a +=2 on player it does he +=2 on another instance than the one on which you have done -=1.
i've setup a little example to show that there are too instance of the same row:
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p_instance_1 = Player.first
 => #<Player id: 1, actions: -1, created_at: "2010-10-13 17:07:22", updated_at: "2010-10-13 17:11:00"> 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > c = Card.first
 => #<Card id: 1, player_id: 1, created_at: "2010-10-13 17:07:28", updated_at: "2010-10-13 17:07:28"> 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p_instance_2 = c.player
 => #<Player id: 1, actions: -1, created_at: "2010-10-13 17:07:22", updated_at: "2010-10-13 17:11:00"> 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p_instance_1.object_id
 => 2158703080 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p_instance_2.object_id
 => 2156926840 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p_instance_1.actions += 1
 => 0 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p_instance_2.actions += 1
 => 0
So finally as you haven't save the instance with the +=2 applied, there's only the one with the -1 that is saved
UPDATE
You can try to trick rails to use the same instance of player all the way. This is a little bit ugly but it works.
class Player < ActiveRecord::Base
  has_many :cards
  def play_card(card)
    raise "Not yours!" unless cards.include? card
    new_self = card.player
    card.play
    new_self.actions -= 1
    new_self.save!
  end
end
class Card < ActiveRecord::Base
  belongs_to :player
  def play
    player.actions += 2
  end
end
so when you input those commands:
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p = Player.first
 => #<Player id: 1, actions: 0, created_at: "2010-10-14 13:33:51", updated_at: "2010-10-14 13:33:51"> 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p.play_card(Card.first)
 => true 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p
 => #<Player id: 1, actions: 0, created_at: "2010-10-14 13:33:51", updated_at: "2010-10-14 13:33:51"> 
ruby-1.8.7-p174 > p.reload
 => #<Player id: 1, actions: 1, created_at: "2010-10-14 13:33:51", updated_at: "2010-10-14 13:34:40"> 
You have the right number of actions in player, and in the logs card is only loaded once:
  Player Load (0.5ms)   SELECT * FROM "players" LIMIT 1
  Card Load (0.2ms)   SELECT * FROM "cards" LIMIT 1
  Card Load (0.2ms)   SELECT "cards".id FROM "cards" WHERE ("cards"."id" = 1) AND ("cards".player_id = 1) LIMIT 1
  Player Load (0.1ms)   SELECT * FROM "players" WHERE ("players"."id" = 1) 
  Player Update (0.6ms)   UPDATE "players" SET "updated_at" = '2010-10-14 13:34:40', "actions" = 1 WHERE "id" = 1
To sum up the whole thing, I would say that there's something wrong in your code design. If i understand well,what you would like is that every AR instance of a table row is the same object in the ObjectSpace, but I guess that if rails was build that way it would introduce strange behaviors where you could work on half backed object changed in validations and other hooks.