I am not sure if I understand your goal, but if you want your appender to be configurable you basically have to expose a property on your appender. Then you can either set this property either programmatically or in the configuration file.
The UdpAppender exposes a property like this:
public int LocalPort
{
get; set;
}
(It is actually a bit more complex as they check if the value in the setter is a valid port.)
In the configuration file you use it like this:
<localPort value="8080" />
This works very well for simple types like string, int ... but also for some complex types like IPAddress. If you have your own type then it will be more difficult to make it work and I would have to check first how this is done.