Personally, I wouldn't WANT to work in a place that would disqualify me because I took an extended vacation. I would want to work somewhere a bit more progressive, where, if I decided to take some serious time off, my next employer would understand that my work (rather, his work) is not my entire life. Sounds like you're barking up pointy-haired-boss trees here. A GOOD boss would understand the desire to take some time off to relax, and may even appreciate the effort it took you to get to that point, financially. That said, two years WAS an excessive amount of time to take off. Make no mistake, the impression that the length of time gives is entirely your own fault.
Some employers say that they'd like to see open source work, your own work, etc, etc, on your resume. I find that it doesn't make that much difference in the real world. And regardless of what Gosuda is telling you, it's not a substitute for actual work. Don't count on software contributions to free products to pull your arse out of the fire.
Here's what I would do, in no particular order:
- Find somewhere that you wouldn't be working for a suit who'll disqualify you based on a 30 second description of the last two years of your life.
1b. Failing that (and since this is obviously a serious problem for you), I'd cloud my description of the last two years. Like someone said, call it a sabbatical or something and leave it at that. Your new employer doesn't need to know that you took two years off to surf; honestly, that's not actually any of their business if you don't want it to be.
Start working on freelance/contract projects, hard-core. This is at least work experience, and those who are outsourcing their projects don't typically care what you've been up to in the recent past.
Go back to school and take some programming courses (whether you need them or not). This will demonstrate that you are serious about brushing up on your skills and really want to get back into it. You'll also seem less flighty, because you've invested significant time and money into improving yourself to get a new job.