I was going to add this as a comment to one of the other posts, but it grew a little too large.
What the fundamental point that most people seem to be missing, is the purpose behind XHTML. One of the major reasons for developing the XHTML specification was to de-emphasise presentation-related tags in the markup, and to defer presentation to CSS. Whilst this separation can be achieved with plain HTML, this behaviour isn't promoted by the specifcation.
Separating meta-markup and presentation is a vital part of developing for the 'programmable web', and will not only improve SEO, and access for screen readers/text browsers, but will also lead towards your website being more easily analysable by those wishing to access it programmatically (in many simple cases, this can negate the need for developing a specific API, or even just allow for client-side scripts to do things like, identify phone numbers readily). If your web-page conforms to the XHTML specification, it can easily be traversed using XML-related tools, and things such as XPath... which is fantastic news for those who want to extract particular information from your website.
XHTML was not developed for use by itself, but by use with a variety of other technologies. It relies heavily on the use of CSS for presentation, and places a foundation for things like Microformats (whether you love them, or hate them) to offer a standardised markup for common data presentation.
Don't be fooled by the crowd who think that XHTML is insignificant, and is just overly restrictive and pointless... it was created with a purpose that 95% of the world seems to ignore/not know about.
By all means use HTML, but use it for what it's good for, and take the same approach when looking at XHTML.
With regard to parsing speed, I imagine there would be very little difference in the parsing of the actual documents between XHTML and HTML. The trade-off will come purely in how you describe the document using the available markup. XHTML tags tend to be longer, due to required attributes, proper closing, etc. but will forego the need for any presentational markup in the document itself. With that being the case, I think you're talking about comparing one type of apple, with a very slightly different type of apple... they're different, but it's unlikely to be of any consequence (in terms of parsing and rendering) when all you want is a healthy, tasty apple.