Update: Regarding the Freezing. I just had the same freeze happen from a MAcBook Pro (current gen with Snow Leopard) to a Mac Mini (current gen with Snow Leopard). The Screen Share utility has frozen on the laptop but clicks still make things open etc on the TV machine (HTPC). This is exactly what I saw when testing with VNC from Windows.
I kept the original answer, but it was targeted at other people, like me, who were having issues with lag from Win7 to a Mac (OS X) via VNC:
This is not a direct answer but I have solved my own Windows 7 -> OS X performance issues.
Short answer:
. Use RealVNC with ZRLE compression
. Turn off any desktop background. Select 'Solid Color' instead
. In RealVNC enable 'Rate-limit mouse move events' - this made a huge difference for me
After quite a lot of research + trial and error these seem to be the most optimal settings. Until testing for this post. I can confirm with Win7, RealVNC Viewer 4.1.3 and Snow Leopard that it still hangs if left unattended - the Mac itself was fine. Closing and re-opening the VNC Client was quick to do but is a pain. I have a vnc config file with password etc saved to my desktop so one double click got me back in.
My own issues were worse using XBMC which seems to do something strange with the video as the Windows machine's CPU shoots up from ~2% to 30%+ (all vncviewer.exe) when I start XBMC on the Mac. With the above settings Safari etc is lightening fast over VNC.
As part of this research I tried TightVNC, RealVNC and UltraVNC, playing with all their settings - only RealVNC can limit mouse events. Also RealVNC's documentation says ZRLE is the fastest, then Hextile then RAW. As you probably discovered color level must be 'Full' to talk to OS X (using 8 bit color is how we used to boost performance when using VNC over the internet). Playing with all the other options made little difference
Finally: RDP (Remote Desktop Protocol) is very different to VNC. You will never see the same level of performance over anything but a fast local network.