Apple appears not to be telling developers because they want to change the amount of memory available in new devices and OS releases. The number went way up on a freshly booted iPhone 4 and way down under iOS 4.0 after typical use on an iPhone 3G.
One possible method is to "preflight" the memory required for successful completion of some operation (e.g. malloc, check and then free the blocks that add up to your requirement). You can malloc in small chunks using a timer spanning many milliseconds to see if you can "push" other apps out of memory. But even this method is no guarantee, as Mail or some other background app could jump in and consume memory even when your app is frontmost.
If you use less than 20MB at any point in time, then a huge percentage of games in the App store will fail before your app does (just my random opinion).