Keeping Work/Personal Life Separate

Question

OK, to cut a long story short:

• I recently got moved on to a project, due for release about a month ago.
• The project was borked.
• The project is still not ready for release, although the customer is convinced otherwise.
• I have been working stupid hours trying to clean up the mess (read a naughty word that starts with 's' and ends in 'hit') created by some other developers.
• I have lost lots of my own personal time, a lot of which I needed for study.
• I ended up getting quite sick (we have just finished summer, lots of bugs going around, I think with lack of sleep etc I ended up just getting worn down and raped by man-flu) :)

So, I have been off work* today recovering, but it has also given me time to reflect. I have been really been wanting to blame the management, IMO there are so many failings across the board on their part it is untrue..

But, deep down, I blame myself. I love what I do, and I want to be great at it. This is my career and I want to go to work every day working on some challenging projects and writing some interesting code.

The truth is, I have enjoyed some elements of it. I have ripped out some really crappy code and replaced with some nice, reasonably elegant code that works so much better. Great. Happy face :)

However, I know I cannot keep working like this, I need to get back in control of my work/life separation.

I know a lot of us geeks can get overly passionate about what we do, and I know I take my work personally, which is definitely a flaw when uncontrolled. I just wondered if you would like to offer any advice on maintaining your work/personal life relationships :)

Thanks.

* by that I mean I have been at home but still responding to emails and fixing some bugs etc. So not really "off work".. :\

Answer 1

I've been doing this job for more than 20 years and I still face the same issue. Importantly, though, realize that what you love is not the dysfunctional death-march, it's shipping software. Don't ever mistake the ultimate triumph with the unnecessary and counter-productive way that too many companies think is the only way to get the ball in the net. If you think you love working on challenging projects, writing interesting code, and delivering sotware that makes peoples' lives a little easier, just wait until you experience all those things in a team that is "doing it right."

Your problem in that situation is that you will be so eager to get to work that you may end up skipping some late-night social opportunities.

Answer 2

It's tough to remove yourself from the thickness of a problem project, and by problem I mean unrealistic schedule.

However, there is only so much high stress time you can take before it becomes counter productive. There is a long-standing rule of thumb that you should never work more than two weeks of overtime in a row. I'd second that.

Trying to explain this to a demanding business and even more demanding customers can be a very difficult bit of communication. Howevver, I would recommend you look to adopting some, not all, Agile techniques to your software cycle. Or if the word Agile scares you or the client think about simply doing one thing look to an interesting approach by one well experienced developer: ayende

Answer 3

In order to keep the two separate, I have to establish rules (with myself) about when I will and won't turn on the computer when I'm at home because once the computer is on then I'm thinking about work stuff again. By keeping the office at the office as much as possible, I'm able to make certain that my time at home is quality time when I get to recreate or renew myself.

One other thing that really helps is that my company's culture demands that no work be done on Sunday, so I always know that there will be one day out of the week when I won't be called and I'm not expected to be working to meet some insane deadline.

Lastly, one piece of advice that I received from a supervisor a long time ago was to take at least thirty minutes in the middle of the day to get away from my desk. By disconnecting from work in the middle of the day, even if its just long enough for a power-nap or a chapter in whatever novel I'm reading at the time I get to come back to work refreshed, renewed and hopefully a little more clear-headed.

Answer 4

Find passion outside of work, too. It's great if you can't wait to get to work each day, but you should also feel like you can't wait to go home each night.

Answer 5

1. You need a seperate email account for work and home.
2. You need a seperate phone for work and home.
3. Leave your work at work... don't answer the work phone or answer work emails after 6pm.
4. Leave your keyfob in a locked draw somewhere so you can't remote in unless there's an emergency (you can even ask someone you live with to hide it from you).
5. Have an after work activity to take your mind off work (I go to the gym).
6. Wake up earlier and start work earlier so that you don't feel guilty leaving on time.
7. Plan your week in advance so that you have commitments outside of work which you can't break.
8. Book a holiday, it'll give you something to look forward to that isn't work related.
9. DO NOT SIT IN BED WITH A LAPTOP!
10. Get a girlfriend/wife if you don't already have one (this will sap up a lot of your time, I guarantee).

Answer 6

I would most certainly suggest "Getting Things Done" by Daivd Allen - it's a fantastic book that has helped me control my personal/work life and I've not yet finished implementing it.

Just remember that everyone who is serious about their craft and career will have the periods of intense work, just think about the generations past and all that the great thinkers had accomplished by the time they were 35. It's humbling for sure.

1. DO NOT SIT IN BED WITH A LAPTOP!

I am so guilty of this it happens daily, but I freelance outside of my 8-5 so I guess that's a given. ;)

Answer 7

Leave work at work. Never check in on the office when you are not in the office. If you NEED to work, then go to the office. But do not bend on this.

If I am working, then I am at the office.

Answer 8

Stop spending so much time on StackOverflow :-) Seriously, find a hobby that you enjoy that does not involve using a computer at all. Any time I use a computer, it puts me into a mindframe of work, even if it is completely unrelated to work. For me SO is far too related to what I do for a living. Some Questions will trigger thoughts about how the subject will relate to an problem/algorithm etc that I am working on...

Answer 9

I totally agree, leave work at work.

However, I find that complete separation is not good. I like taking some private time at the office, AND working a bit during off-time.

But it don't want to let it slip so I end up thinking about work 24/7 again. The stress that may follow can actually give permanent brain-damage!

These are my rules:

• When taking some private time during work it must be an actual break, somewhat work related, or maybe I just need to take my mind off something so my sub-consciousness can work it out. (Yes, it actually works.)
• When I'm not at work, I don't think about work. I do not check my email.
• If I get an idea during off-hours, I will spend a few minutes thinking about it and writing it down. But I do not develop the idea, I don't write any code, I don't talk to anyone about it.
• When I work from home (one day a week) I still have that mental separation, even if I spend the entire day (work and break) on the couch or at the desk. So it's not my physical location, it's a state of mind. That help me using the rules even during my work-from-home-day, or when I have some hours overtime at home in the weekend.

Answer 10

Not that I suspect you're doing this, but make sure you are putting in a solid effort during normal work hours so you can feel good about refusing to let work bleed into personal hours.

Answer 11

Get a metalic keyboard at home, and connect it to an electrical supply (safe, but so that you'll feel it). Every time you try to use it you'll get a shock and benefit from this "therapy" ;-)

Seriously, tho, the fact that you've taken the time to reflect is the first step. Make sure you're doing things, as others have suggested, that remind you that work is not all there is. Regularly take the time out to place yourself in the grand scheme of things. The idea is not to feel worthless, but to give yourself some perspective.

Find out what you really want from life and make sure everything you are doing is focused on that. Then, any time you find yourself letting work issues take over, you'll remind yourself what you're really aiming for, and give that priority. At this point you can disconnect the electrically charged keyboard.