I may be missing something, but when I've used svn merge, I've always had to get the revision numbers right if I wanted it to work correctly.
So, if you branched (or last merged) at revision 100, the trunk is currently at 200, and you want to merge changes from the trunk into your branch, then in the branch working directory you do:
svn merge -r 100:200 trunkURL
Then I think you'll see a conflict, which you resolve and check in. You do a similar thing in the trunk working directory to merge from your branch back into the trunk.
svn merge without -r diffs the two locations you specify and applies that diff to the working directory. So I speculate that what has happened is that there is no conflict, because your working dir matches the head of the branch. So the difference between the head of the branch and the head of the trunk can be applied to your working directory without any problems. This isn't what you want to do: all it does is change your working directory to match the trunk. Try making another change on the branch, check in, and repeat the process. If the merge undoes that change (because it isn't on the trunk), then I'm right about this form of svn merge, but as I say I haven't used it.
[Edit: prior to svn version 1.5...]
Working directories and branches are not the same thing in SVN, and annoying as it is, you have to account for the differences. SVN needs more information to do the branch merge you want, than to do an update or checkin, because afaik it doesn't automatically take account of where the branch occurred in the way that it always accounts for where a working directory was checked out. I'm sure there's a reason for that, I just don't know for sure what it is: possibly because svn copy is for more things than just branches.
[Edit ... but as per Joshua McKinnon's comment to this answer, as of 1.5 svn supports proper branch merges, which do what you want automatically. Specify the URL you're merging from, and run the command in the working directory of whatever you're merging to. So in this case, try
svn merge trunkURL
and you should see the conflict. You might have to revert the working directory first.]