- fits into laptop: unfortunately changing the gpu of a notebook is very rare, if not unheard of
- quality opengl driver (both windows/linux): nVidia tends to care more than ATI about it
High end solutions for laptop include pretty expensive SLI configurations (have a look here).
As for the available extensions, check this database; for recent cards you shouldn't have any problems to meet your requirements.
For performance, have a look here; I would personally suggest one of the (non-SLI) nVidia 9800 cards as the best quality/price compromise.
Other performance tips: avoid Quadro cards, they have another focus; download the latest available drivers from laptopvideo2go, because laptop producers rarely update their "official" drivers.